[But he sees that look on her face and hears that sigh.]
... But so long as it's under control, I guess there's no sense in worrying about it now.
[That's his way of saying Rey is off the hook for now. He's not going to pry, trusting she'll tell him what he needs to know. That's how this partnership works, after all.]
[It also works when the other is assured that you're not going to go all crazysauce and detonate. She may be off the hook, as she can sense from that tone of his, but he's just going to keep wondering.]
Let me put it this way. When you're living with not only the memories but the emotions of eight very messed up, very broken women? That's enough to drive maybe anyone off the handle.
[If it's one person she can trust to understand what it's like to deal with thoughts and feelings that don't belong to you, it's Nick. At least, she hopes she doesn't have to explain to him what it's like in order for him to understand why it can be so maddening.]
Honestly, I'm not even sure if they were women, or if they were just data cooked up by the asshole who'd installed them into my brain-space from the start. Don't think he had the capacity to be that imaginative, though.
[The memories, sure. But the emotional baggage that came with them, from a synthetic man who didn't fully understand emotions? Probably not something he was capable of.
[She shrugs.] Can't ask him about it now. Since he's dead.
Like I'd said, though... Flipping on that proverbial "switch", feeling all of the things that they felt... Not safe. Last time that happened, I did more than a number on my father's face.
[Aren't you glad Rey realized that she was dreaming before she did that to you as well, Nick?]
[Nick absolutely knows what it's like to have feelings that aren't his. Despite that, they're so real -- were real, to the original Nick -- that the synthetic man can't help but be influenced by them as though they were his own. The fact that Rey handles the baggage of not one, but eight individuals, is a testament to her capability to "handle it."
And even then, she'd still nearly lost it. It's good she is who she is, or he might be in pieces.]
I can see why you didn't want me kicking in the door.
[The risk he'd taken in doing that, albeit an unknown one at the time, had been worth it, at least.]
[For someone who claims to have a questionable state of sanity, Rey has an impressive amount of self control.]
Didn't want to hurt you. [She still doesn't, and never wants to. No matter what this place does to them.
[She pauses, chewing the inside of her cheek before she adds:]
It's terribly selfish, but... for what it's worth, I'm grateful that you did.
[Who knows if they'd be sitting together now, laughing and talking like this if he hadn't. Never mind the possibility that she could have burned down the whole spire, but just having Nick knowing what he does now as a result of what he did. She feels relieved.
[Perhaps everyone is allowed to be selfish from time to time.]
[He gives her a wide smile. She might play it down, but she does care. It's good to have confirmation of what he's known all along.]
Me too, Rey.
[He leans back into the couch, relaxed, content.]
You could say I was the selfish one, though. I tried giving you space, but it's not as though kept my nose entirely out of your business. It's been nice to talk to another synth, even if we have a lot of differences between us.
[Despite her usually discomfort with the subject, Rey is visibly relaxed as well. Rather than her stiff posture, she's leaned forward.
[While it's true that Nick didn't give Rey the space that she wanted at the time, it isn't without his reasons, she knows. It shouldn't come as much of a surprise that Rey isn't exactly the best judge of what's better for her health, either.]
It's fine. I don't mind. [Her mouth twists into a grimace.] To be honest, I think we've got more in common than I do with my own brother.
[Which is to say, she doesn't blame Nick for being so damned persistent.]
[It doesn't help when those minds are, more often than not, conflicting with one another. No wonder Rey can be so contradictory at times.
[Tension makes its way back into Rey's shoulders at Nick's words, her eyes fixed on the floor. What would be considered a comfort to some is unsettling for her to hear.]
Don't think you'd want that. All I seem to do is hurt my family.
[Even the brother she speaks so fondly of has been hurt by her in one of the worst ways imaginable.]
[Rey might have a point. She did say she killed her mother, and she might do do worse to her father, if given the chance. Chances are the latter deserves it. But does that mean Rey is incapable of having a family? Should she be denied the chance for one because of what she's done, or what she is?]
You know, I didn't take much stock into the whole 'family' thing until that dream. I'd just resigned myself to not having any. They were something the original Nick might have, but not me. Wasn't sure you could even consider synths as related. They say you don't get to pick your family, but I think I will all the same.
[Rey cants her head towards Nick, though not enough that she's looking him in the eye.]
There's really nothing I can say to make you change your mind, is there?
[Her voice cracks, and she says this as she rubs the side of her face. When she tries this speaking thing again, it's even harder to keep her tone level.]
It isn't that I don't appreciate what you're saying. It means a lot to me. Just, like I said -- I don't want to hurt you.
[But you know how the old song goes. You always hurt the ones you love.]
[His brow knits in visible concern; Rey sounds so genuinely torn over the fact Nick considers her close, maybe close enough to be some kind of surrogate family. It's a new feeling for him, but one that he finds he likes the more he thinks on it. He has friends in Diamond City, folks he'd consider more than acquaintances... but no one like him, no other synth, no one with memories of ghosts of the past.
Nick has an opportunity to connect with someone who understands him in a way no one else can, and he's not about to let it pass him by. He helps who needs help. That's how he ultimately ended up as a detective in Diamond City, and that's how he got so close to Rey in the first place.
And here she is, wanting something, but afraid to have it. So, despite her reservations, he's determined to make this work -- for both of them.]
Thankfully, the Institute made me pretty sturdy. And pretty stubborn, given the personality they loaded into me. But if it worries you that much, being friends is just fine by me. No need to think of it as much more than that.
[Some people are guarded, careful who they let in, who they let get close. While Rey did open the door to him, he doesn't want to overstep his boundaries.]
[It does worry her, but not in the same way Nick would think. Rey has torn apart so many families over the decades. Orphaned children, widowed spouses, deprived youths of their future... Sometimes she even enjoyed it, depending on who she was. It was fun. After all of that, what right does she have to a family of her own? And yet, it's a hard thing not to truly want -- to have something that'll keep her going, if she deserves even that.
[For a moment, she lets her thoughts stew in a contemplative silence, mulling over Nick's words and the implications evident behind them. Probably the only thing keeping her from telling him off is the fact that he may need this just about as much as she does. What a strange feeling, that.
[Hands sliding into her lap, Rey reels back against the cushion of the couch, positioning herself shoulder-to-shoulder with Nick so she isn't practically hiding her face from him anymore. With a heavy exhale through her nose, she nods absentmindedly.]
No, it's fine. I'm fine. [She glances to him out the corner of her eye.] Thanks to you.
[She owes him that much. What damage is a little familial bond going to do, anyway?
[There's relief in the smile he gives her, but uncertainty, too. As much as he'd like to accept at face value that Rey's as fine as she insists, he knows better. It'll take time to adjust, but maybe the idea will grow on her the way it's grown on him.
He gives her a sideways glance as he leans back further, digging into the pocket of his pants and retrieving a screwdriver.]
I just did what was needed. I think we both needed it.
[Rey is about as "fine" as she ever could be, being in a place like this. But hey, at least she's not back in her own world with a rebar stuck in her chest. Or worse. So one might say she's doing pretty damn great here.
[Her mouth tugs into only the slightest hint of a smile. Now that Nick has seen her laugh, though, it's not like she has anything to hide.]
You "just did what was needed", huh? [She snorts again.] Sure, you keep telling yourself that.
[She's mostly implying that he's probably doing this a little for himself as much as he is for her as well. Not that it's a bad thing. He did say he was being selfish earlier, too.
[Perhaps it's okay to be a little selfish sometimes, regardless of the body count you've got to your name.
[She turns her head then as Nick extracts the screwdriver.] You know, you put a whole new meaning to the term "loose screw".
[Nick keeps smiling, neither confirming nor denying what Rey already knows regarding his interest in her. He's glad he can trust someone so similar to him, someone who knows a bit about the unique problems he's dealt with since his awakening. He just hopes he can do the same for her... though from the looks of it, he already is.
They may be trapped in Hadriel, but things aren't always so bad, as much as he might not admit it. He starts adjusting a screw in his bare hand, flexing his fingers to check the tightness.]
Heh. Trust me, nothing complicates a hostage situation like a stiff trigger finger.
[One never knows when such experience will come in handy.
Nick does a few more adjustments on his hand, wondering to himself if Hope has stocked any oil or grease in his stores. He finally gets his fingers moving to his satisfaction -- that pinky will just have to be a little sticky for now. He gets to his feet, tucking his screwdriver away.].
[Rey would be grateful, too, if not for the... you know. Synth thing. Something in which she's willing to overlook in Nick's case. Because he's Nick, and at least he doesn't have the same type of mental cases that the synthetics from Rey's world deal with.
[That she's aware of, anyway.
[She falls silent as he gets up, studying the way he tunes the joints in his own hand. She frowns.]
I apologize if, or when, I say certain things that are... off. Will try to work on it, since we're going to be living together.
[Doubtfully she needs to explain what those "certain things" are, even if it's likely that he's probably used to it.]
[There is a moment where Nick isn't entirely sure what she means, but he puts it together quickly, given the topic. He flexes his fingers a few times, his pinky visibly sticking as he gives her a reassuring look.]
I'll let you know if you cross a line, but I appreciate the effort. I've been called just about everything you can imagine over the years, so this synthetic skin has gotten pretty thick. I'm just grateful you didn't leave me in that box when we first met.
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[But he sees that look on her face and hears that sigh.]
... But so long as it's under control, I guess there's no sense in worrying about it now.
[That's his way of saying Rey is off the hook for now. He's not going to pry, trusting she'll tell him what he needs to know. That's how this partnership works, after all.]
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Let me put it this way. When you're living with not only the memories but the emotions of eight very messed up, very broken women? That's enough to drive maybe anyone off the handle.
[If it's one person she can trust to understand what it's like to deal with thoughts and feelings that don't belong to you, it's Nick. At least, she hopes she doesn't have to explain to him what it's like in order for him to understand why it can be so maddening.]
Honestly, I'm not even sure if they were women, or if they were just data cooked up by the asshole who'd installed them into my brain-space from the start. Don't think he had the capacity to be that imaginative, though.
[The memories, sure. But the emotional baggage that came with them, from a synthetic man who didn't fully understand emotions? Probably not something he was capable of.
[She shrugs.] Can't ask him about it now. Since he's dead.
Like I'd said, though... Flipping on that proverbial "switch", feeling all of the things that they felt... Not safe. Last time that happened, I did more than a number on my father's face.
[Aren't you glad Rey realized that she was dreaming before she did that to you as well, Nick?]
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And even then, she'd still nearly lost it. It's good she is who she is, or he might be in pieces.]
I can see why you didn't want me kicking in the door.
[The risk he'd taken in doing that, albeit an unknown one at the time, had been worth it, at least.]
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Didn't want to hurt you. [She still doesn't, and never wants to. No matter what this place does to them.
[She pauses, chewing the inside of her cheek before she adds:]
It's terribly selfish, but... for what it's worth, I'm grateful that you did.
[Who knows if they'd be sitting together now, laughing and talking like this if he hadn't. Never mind the possibility that she could have burned down the whole spire, but just having Nick knowing what he does now as a result of what he did. She feels relieved.
[Perhaps everyone is allowed to be selfish from time to time.]
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Me too, Rey.
[He leans back into the couch, relaxed, content.]
You could say I was the selfish one, though. I tried giving you space, but it's not as though kept my nose entirely out of your business. It's been nice to talk to another synth, even if we have a lot of differences between us.
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[While it's true that Nick didn't give Rey the space that she wanted at the time, it isn't without his reasons, she knows. It shouldn't come as much of a surprise that Rey isn't exactly the best judge of what's better for her health, either.]
It's fine. I don't mind. [Her mouth twists into a grimace.] To be honest, I think we've got more in common than I do with my own brother.
[Which is to say, she doesn't blame Nick for being so damned persistent.]
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I might not even have a brother anymore, and that's if he really did exist in the first place. Hell, I'd say you're as close to family as I've got.
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[Tension makes its way back into Rey's shoulders at Nick's words, her eyes fixed on the floor. What would be considered a comfort to some is unsettling for her to hear.]
Don't think you'd want that. All I seem to do is hurt my family.
[Even the brother she speaks so fondly of has been hurt by her in one of the worst ways imaginable.]
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You know, I didn't take much stock into the whole 'family' thing until that dream. I'd just resigned myself to not having any. They were something the original Nick might have, but not me. Wasn't sure you could even consider synths as related. They say you don't get to pick your family, but I think I will all the same.
[And so he's picked his.]
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There's really nothing I can say to make you change your mind, is there?
[Her voice cracks, and she says this as she rubs the side of her face. When she tries this speaking thing again, it's even harder to keep her tone level.]
It isn't that I don't appreciate what you're saying. It means a lot to me. Just, like I said -- I don't want to hurt you.
[But you know how the old song goes. You always hurt the ones you love.]
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Nick has an opportunity to connect with someone who understands him in a way no one else can, and he's not about to let it pass him by. He helps who needs help. That's how he ultimately ended up as a detective in Diamond City, and that's how he got so close to Rey in the first place.
And here she is, wanting something, but afraid to have it. So, despite her reservations, he's determined to make this work -- for both of them.]
Thankfully, the Institute made me pretty sturdy. And pretty stubborn, given the personality they loaded into me. But if it worries you that much, being friends is just fine by me. No need to think of it as much more than that.
[Some people are guarded, careful who they let in, who they let get close. While Rey did open the door to him, he doesn't want to overstep his boundaries.]
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[For a moment, she lets her thoughts stew in a contemplative silence, mulling over Nick's words and the implications evident behind them. Probably the only thing keeping her from telling him off is the fact that he may need this just about as much as she does. What a strange feeling, that.
[Hands sliding into her lap, Rey reels back against the cushion of the couch, positioning herself shoulder-to-shoulder with Nick so she isn't practically hiding her face from him anymore. With a heavy exhale through her nose, she nods absentmindedly.]
No, it's fine. I'm fine. [She glances to him out the corner of her eye.] Thanks to you.
[She owes him that much. What damage is a little familial bond going to do, anyway?
[Best just not to think about it too much.]
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He gives her a sideways glance as he leans back further, digging into the pocket of his pants and retrieving a screwdriver.]
I just did what was needed. I think we both needed it.
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[Her mouth tugs into only the slightest hint of a smile. Now that Nick has seen her laugh, though, it's not like she has anything to hide.]
You "just did what was needed", huh? [She snorts again.] Sure, you keep telling yourself that.
[She's mostly implying that he's probably doing this a little for himself as much as he is for her as well. Not that it's a bad thing. He did say he was being selfish earlier, too.
[Perhaps it's okay to be a little selfish sometimes, regardless of the body count you've got to your name.
[She turns her head then as Nick extracts the screwdriver.] You know, you put a whole new meaning to the term "loose screw".
[Like she's one to talk.]
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They may be trapped in Hadriel, but things aren't always so bad, as much as he might not admit it. He starts adjusting a screw in his bare hand, flexing his fingers to check the tightness.]
Heh. Trust me, nothing complicates a hostage situation like a stiff trigger finger.
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[She's teasing him, of course, remembering very clearly what he had told her about his situation before coming here.]
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I imagine your hand doesn't need oiling like this one does, either. At least only one of those happens on a regular basis.
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Not really. [Her bodies have been capable of producing a type of oily substance on their own, but wow. Awkward.]
How often do you require upkeep?
[She's asking because of Reasons.]
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[He suspects nothing yet.]
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["Yet" being the key word here.]
Let me know if you ever need anything special done? I can always see what I can salvage around here. [Or ask Hope to magic it up for her, but shhh.]
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[He chuckles, but he means that. Given their unfamiliarity with humans, Nick has no doubt the gods would have no idea about his inner workings.]
What I will do is let you know if I need a hand somewhere I can't reach.
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[Yeahhh, she had to make pretty specific notes.
[She nods.] Deal. You may be a bit different from the synths where I'm from, but there are a lot of similarities, too.
[It's almost like it was a "good thing" that she'd taken some of them apart.]
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[One never knows when such experience will come in handy.
Nick does a few more adjustments on his hand, wondering to himself if Hope has stocked any oil or grease in his stores. He finally gets his fingers moving to his satisfaction -- that pinky will just have to be a little sticky for now. He gets to his feet, tucking his screwdriver away.].
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[Rey would be grateful, too, if not for the... you know. Synth thing. Something in which she's willing to overlook in Nick's case. Because he's Nick, and at least he doesn't have the same type of mental cases that the synthetics from Rey's world deal with.
[That she's aware of, anyway.
[She falls silent as he gets up, studying the way he tunes the joints in his own hand. She frowns.]
I apologize if, or when, I say certain things that are... off. Will try to work on it, since we're going to be living together.
[Doubtfully she needs to explain what those "certain things" are, even if it's likely that he's probably used to it.]
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I'll let you know if you cross a line, but I appreciate the effort. I've been called just about everything you can imagine over the years, so this synthetic skin has gotten pretty thick. I'm just grateful you didn't leave me in that box when we first met.
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